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Am I the only one who’s noticed a shift in how baby products are marketed to moms/parents? There’s a larger emphasis on the “birth story”… I JUST saw a Facebook ad for one company that highlighted all sorts of “different” types of birth stories, which is what sparked this post. The highlights being more focused on the unmedicated water births, with a brief blip of women in hospital beds or going into surgery.
Why do I seem to have a hard time with these ads? Cognitively, part of me “gets” why I have a hard time with them – because my birth “plan” (ha!) was so far from my control (and I like controlling situations) that there’s this wistful feeling of failure. And, I know it’s absurd. I literally catch myself thinking, “had I just focused on drinking more water, maybe my fluid levels would have been higher” (my son’s sensory processing disorder is theorized to have been triggered by the low fluid levels before delivery). It’s ridiculous, I know, because with my second successful pregnancy, my fluid levels were fine and it had nothing to do with how much water I was drinking the first time. And, even if it did, there is absolutely nothing I could do about it now.
Or, I wonder, if the hard part of seeing ads like the one I saw today is because of the beautiful “golden hour” scenes of mommy/baby snuggles immediately following delivery. I missed those, both times. It sucks. And, yeah, I’m bitter about not getting those precious first minutes with my newborn boys. I’m SO thankful their dad did and that they had a great staff of nurses tending to them. But, I also hate that I wasn’t there to do the skin to skin snuggles because they were putting me back together… at least the second time I got to stay conscious through the whole thing. It’s hard for me to be OK missing the first hour of each kid’s life when the reasons were because of my own body’s complications (with my first it was over 2 hours, with my second they brought him in during my 2 hour c-section recovery, but towards the end of it).
I know that in the grand scheme of things, it shouldn’t matter. Unfortunately, the sensory processing disorder therapies and discussions for my oldest frequently bring up the low fluid and birth trauma/extended separation from mommy often. The frustration being that he’s so incredibly bright and intelligent and just precious, but struggling in certain aspects because of the SPD interference. Of course, this ushers in the “If only we hadn’t had a traumatic birth experience” thoughts in my head. It’s totally selfish on my part, but like any parent, I just don’t want him to have to struggle with his environment and with the world around him.
Maybe I’ll find a sense of peace about this at some point. It feels a bit absurd that after 6 yrs, I’m not there yet. But, I’m also in the thick of “friends having babies often” season of life, so it’s ALL still around me a good bit (including the friends struggling with infertility, which is just crappy and hard and breaks my heart for them). I have friends with older kids who have some distance from the baby-phase of adulthood and I envy them a bit. Until I get there myself, I’ll keep doing yoga and the other little things (like this blog 🙂 ) that seem to give me a little more sense of peace and perspective. Namaste friends!
Wow. Here we are, coming up on my oldest child’s 5th birthday and the 5 year anniversary of my (technically, first) inversion. As much as I’d like to say that it was a distant memory in the past that I never think about, I think about it often. We are still dealing with some after-effects, to an extent. Since I had a scheduled c-section with my second (that my body tried inverting during too), I had another vertical incision (in order to clean up my old scar as well). I can tell, over 2 years after the c-section that my abdominal muscles still haven’t fully reconnected. Maybe one day I’ll be able to do a complete sit up! 🙂
A little bit more of a serious concern/after-effect has been my oldest son’s struggle with sensory processing. They suspect that it may have been precipitated by the very low fluid towards the end of my pregnancy, problems with the placenta not detaching and causing the UI, and the resulting anxiety that I dealt with. There are other factors too, of course, but unfortunately, everything surrounding his delivery didn’t help matters. So, we are now in uncharted territory for myself, trying to navigate occupational therapy and school – based assistance and setting him up for success for kindergarten next year.
On a happy note, there have been some great things that have resulted in my experiences. I have staying in touch with my nurse from both deliveries. I talk a lot to other women who’ve been through difficult pregnancies and/or deliveries so we’ve been able to swap stories and find common ground with those experiences. I’m grateful for that ability to relate to other people who may have had more recent experiences that they are recovering from and moving on from.